I am a Couples Counselor that helps couples and individuals stop allowing their emotions to hijack their relationships. Immediate openings. Improve sexual intimacy, emotional connection, or even recover from affairs.
What Causes Someone to Lose Interest in Sex?
We’ve already touched on a handful of possible answers. Other more specific reasons could be:
Underlying emotional problems that make intimacy less appealing
Getting intimacy elsewhere, e.g. physical or emotional affairs, pornography, sexting, etc.
Body image issues
Sexual dysfunction
Questions about one’s sexuality
This can cause you to silently evaluate them and behave in a certain way toward them. For example:
Comparing them to others—especially past partners or anyone you may find attractive.
Trying to change them to fit into your expectations and preferences.
Trying to control them in small, subtle ways.
Criticizing them for simply being them.
Losing patience.
Listening, but only to confirm what you already think.
Over-analyzing and pick apart what they do and say.
Engaging with less empathy, acceptance, and open-mindedness.
One of the vexing characteristics of COVID-19 is the unpredictable scope of its physical symptoms. As we near one year since “quarantine” entered our daily language, there are now plenty of other kinds of symptoms to parse through.
These outcomes are sometimes reflected in demonstrations against the lockdowns (in multiple countries) or increased rates of depression during the pandemic.
However they manifest, they have affected our mental health and our health as partners and spouses. If we don’t acknowledge and deal with them, impacts like this may end up being the most serious long-term legacy of this pandemic.
This ongoing factor cuts in at least two important ways:
Loneliness: You may live with your partner and maybe with other family members, too. But it’s not the same as living your “normal” life and interacting with many other people. Humans are social creatures. Remember, you can love your family and appreciate being with them while also feeling lonely.
Loss of routine: The lockdown imposed on us new concepts like work and/or attending school at home. There are advantages to such changes. However, when your rhythm is abruptly shifted, it causes distress. Then, of course, comes the inevitable feelings of “cabin fever.”
Remember, you can love your family and appreciate being with them while also feeling like you need a break from them.
Meanwhile, the entire world is beginning to feel like a reality show. Something as mundane as a medical mask is enough to divide families and long-time friends. It’s great that people are making up their own minds about things. It’s not great that your very own news feed is designed to manipulate you.
I lightly touched on it above but, let’s be clear: The pandemic and the patchwork of responses have brought us all to new levels of stress. Not that long ago, we would not have thought twice about visiting a sick friend or talking about current events.
Today, that sick friend is OFF-limits. And current events? Mention any headline at your own risk. It is impossible for all this to not have a negative effect on your personal life.
Step away from your devices. Give your mind (and body) a chance to rest. In this state, you are better able to reconnect with what feels right for you. Rediscover the benefits of independent thought. Use these tech breaks as opportunities to also reconnect with your loved ones.
Looking back on the past year is bound to stir up anger, resentment, and guilt. Postponing your life by saying, “After the pandemic, I’ll (fill in the blank)”, creates anxiety about the future. In the present moment is precisely where your life is happening. Practice mindfulness to bring you into a deeper state of self-awareness and gratitude.
What’s happening is far more than a virus in pandemic form. We are also dealing with social contagion and a looming epidemic of mental health issues. It is never “too soon” to do the work you need to heal.
When things aren’t going well despite your best intentions, I recommend getting professional help from a therapist that’s trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. EFT-trained therapists are trained to prioritize understanding the relationship cycles that hijack your relationship. If you want to find out more about how I think about marriage counseling, read through my marriage counseling page.
If you want help changing the way you respond to your spouse or partner and you’re in Minnesota, I can help. I am physically in Edina, west of Minneapolis, but am seeing everyone by video. Contact me at 612.230.7171, or email me via my contact page.
3209 W 76th St, #304, Edina, MN, 55435 / 612.230.7171
