Have you ever found yourself feeling a surge of energy, a rush of indignation, or a sudden conviction that you’re absolutely entitled to tell your spouse exactly what you think? It might feel like clarity in the moment—like you’re finally standing up for yourself. But what if this feeling is actually a red flag that you’re triggered, and about to make a poor decision that drives a wedge between you and the person you love?

At its best, conflict can help couples grow closer through honest communication and mutual understanding. At its worst, conflict can spiral into frustration, miscommunication, and emotional shutdowns. One particularly insidious pattern that can emerge is the use of hopelessness as a “weapon” during fights. When one partner’s despair and surrender become a tactic to avoid deeper issues, both individuals—and the relationship as a whole—suffer.

Are you partnered with someone on the autism spectrum? Perhaps you’d describe them as loyal, sweet, reliable, and devoted. Yet even with all these positive qualities, you might still feel a lingering distress or a sense of disconnection in your relationship. You’re certainly not alone. Many neurotypical individuals find themselves feeling conflicted—grateful for their partner’s stable presence, yet struggling to connect on a deeper emotional level.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope that you and your loved ones are gathered around food and love. I think about the current political landscape and how it interferes in family gatherings. It can be so hard to maintain ties with people who disagree on really fundamental things. I’m going to focus this conversation on differences in couples and relationships and how I think about de-knotting difficult relationship dynamics.

The number one goal for couples that come in to see me is “better communication.” Yet, many people hesitate to express their true needs and desires, fearing vulnerability or rejection. However, asking for what you want is not only healthy but is one of the greatest gifts you can offer your partner. It not only enriches the emotional landscape of your relationship - it allows you to actually participate in your relationship. Without the knowledge of what you want, your partner is forced to guess or base their actions on a “simulation of what you want.”

We've all been there—realizing we've hurt someone we love and feeling a deep sense of regret. In these moments, it's natural to feel shame. You might think that hanging your head and withdrawing shows your remorse, but in reality, shame can be a significant barrier to truly empathizing with your partner. Instead of facilitating healing, it can inadvertently send negative messages that hinder the repair process.

In the whirlwind of modern life, it's easy for couples to find themselves drifting apart, not out of a lack of love, but simply because life's demands pull them in every direction except toward each other. If you're not intentional about carving out time for your relationship, you'll find that your time gets allocated elsewhere—often without you even realizing it.

I had an epiphany the other day: there is a lot of bad advice on the internet. In one of the “Marriage Advice For Men” groups I joined on Facebook, a member shared that he thought his wife’s constant need to know what he was feeling was ridiculous because he “lets her know”—but then she doesn’t want to hear it. And this isn’t uncommon. Here’s what’s worth knowing about emotions: some are constructive to bring up, and some are absolutely abrasive. I’m not absolutely certain this happened in this guy’s scenario, but If you’re hoping to be heard, recognized, and supported by your partner, starting with an emotion like anger, frustration, irritation, annoyance can be the wrong move.

When things get tough in a relationship, many of us fall into one of two traps: we either try to do everything ourselves, or we stew in frustration because our spouse isn’t stepping up in the way we want them to. But there’s a better way—a way that can actually improve your relationship. It starts with focusing on how you ask for your spouse’s help, and how your approach can change the dynamic from one of disconnection to a true partnership.

In many relationships, attachment styles play a pivotal role in how partners connect, communicate, and meet each other’s emotional needs. Two of the most commonly discussed attachment styles are anxious attachment and avoidant attachment, which can lead to a fascinating but often challenging dynamic in marriages. When one partner has an anxious attachment style, they tend to crave closeness and reassurance, while the avoidantly attached partner values independence and may shy away from emotional vulnerability.

Parenting is one of the most rewarding and challenging journeys a person can embark on. But if you’re a parent, you’ve probably noticed that arguments about raising kids can spiral out of control faster than most other conversations. One moment you’re discussing screen time, and the next, you’re in a full-blown argument about discipline, values, and whether or not your child’s behavior is setting them up for a lifetime of problems.

At the core of every meaningful relationship, there’s one thing we all crave: connection. According to Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples, healthy and fulfilling relationships are built on three essential pillars: Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement, or A.R.E. These three elements . . .

Hey you! Yeah, the one who avoids their partner’s difficult conversations. Does this sound familiar? You find your partner incredibly frustrated, telling you that you do the same things over and over again, and each time, it hurts them. Maybe instead of taking responsibility for not wanting to do something, you rely on the ambiguity of the request or the situation

I’m about to say something that could make my whole job—no, the entire marriage counseling industry—irrelevant. Ready? Here it is: Marriage is the process of harmony, disharmony, and repair. That’s it. End of story. You’re welcome.

We’ve all heard about the five love languages—acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and receiving gifts. The concept, introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, suggests that each person has a primary way of giving and receiving love, and understanding your partner’s love language can help strengthen your relationship. But here’s the catch: if you’re using YOUR love language to express affection,

Apologizing isn’t just about saying “I’m sorry.” It’s about genuinely owning up to what you did, understanding how it affected your partner, and committing to do better. Let’s walk through how you can make your apologies more meaningful and effective.

Change Your Relationship Dynamic: Be The Generational Hero

Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.” — Terry Real

This powerful quote from Terry Real captures the essence of what it means to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma. The patterns we inherit from our families of . . .

Have you ever found yourself staying firmly in the realm of logic during a heated conversation with your spouse, thinking that if you just stick to the facts, everything will work itself out? It might seem like a reasonable approach—after all, who wouldn’t want to keep things rational and avoid the messy business of emotions?

Asking for help can be a challenging task, especially if you’re someone who identifies as a recovering people pleaser. People pleasers are often trained, consciously or unconsciously, to focus on the needs of others while sidelining their own. The idea of reaching out for support can feel foreign, even daunting, but in a relationship, asking for help isn’t just a practical necessity—it’s a powerful act of intimacy that can strengthen your bond.