Imagine yourself in a place you think of fondly. Is it a beach? Is somewhere in the boundary waters? Is it on a boat somewhere? How does your body feel? Relaxed? Calm? Imagine talking to your partner or spouse when you’re in this state. This is called being grounded. You can feel and see your body and the environment around you and it feels good. it’s hard to push you off kilter.
How and Why Do You Ground Yourself?
When emotions overwhelm, you can feel “spaced out.” It’s like you’re not really present. Maybe it’s a sense of being overwhelmed. It could be a classic case of anxiety. Anger, grief, or shame can also transport us out of the moment and out of our spouse or partner.
Whatever the underlying reason may be, we all need grounding from time to time. They can help bring your awareness back to the present by reconnecting your mind and body. This can be accomplished through some specific measures, e.g.
Breathing exercises
Grounding questions like “where am I?” and “what is today’s date?”
Visualizing yourself in a safe space
Movement (walking, working out, dancing, etc.)
Sensory awareness, e.g. what do you see, smell, taste, see, and hear?
The personal benefits of grounding yourself are plentiful. An added bonus is how this practice can and will help your relationship.
5 Ways Grounding Yourself Can Help Your Relationship
1. Calm
Tense moments with your partner can escalate quickly. There are so many emotions and so much baggage involved. Being grounded helps you lower the stakes. Every problem is more manageable when you can maintain a calm state. Grounding can set you on that path.
2. Focus
Getting “spacey” was mentioned above. Grounding yourself results in increased clarity. You can process more sharply. The chances for a misunderstanding or misinterpretation are decreased. So much conflict can be avoided when you and your partner are grounded and centered.
3. Mindfulness
So much struggle is founded on past regrets and future anxiety. Mindfulness anchors you in the present. Grounding exercises anchor you in mindfulness. This progression lays the groundwork for a deeper bond.
4. Patience
When feeling overwhelmed, both of you are more likely to be reactive. When feeling grounded, both of you are more likely to slow down and consider the situation. It is far easier to practice patience when you feel grounded.
5. Gratitude
When your emotions feel like a pinball machine, it is really hard to count your blessings. Grounding yourself allows for a deeper, more productive perspective. You will not be so quick to take anything (including your partner) for granted.
When to Consider Couples Counseling
Here’s the catch: Grounding yourself is far easier said than done — especially in these turbulent times. If your relationship has already fallen into a rhythm of disagreements and conflicts, you may want to consider couples counseling. In that setting, you can address two parallel tracks:
The patterns and habits that are causing relationship strife
The personal, underlying issues that fuel the strife
I will teach you the importance of grounding. You’ll learn how to use this valuable tool in the name of personal and relationship health. If you feel things have reached a boiling point, remember, you do not have to go it alone. Couples counseling has the potential to put out your urgent fires. In addition, you’ll work together to lay a stronger foundation for the future.
For more of my thoughts on marriage counseling, stop by my marriage counseling page. If you’re having trouble navigating this yourselves, I recommend utilizing a therapist who uses Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. This modality helps uncover the underlying emotional processes that are hijacking your relationship. Once you understand the emotions that are driving your conflict pattern, they will have less control over your behavior.
If you’re in the Minneapolis area, I can help. Just call me at 612-230-7171, or email me through my contact page. I truly believe that getting the right fit is key in maximizing efficacy of your couples work.