Within the realm of pop culture, relationships are usually made to appear so easy. Give and take, ebb and flow—and so much balance.
This is not impossible, but it is FAR from easy. An equitable relationship is the product of work and commitment. It’s a sign that both partners recognize that there is no finish line. They embrace the process.
With all of that, your relationship can become one-sided. This can happen little by little, almost by accident. It can also happen if one of you makes the conscious decision to not hold up your end of the bargain.
Signs Your Relationship Might Be One-Sided
Only one of you is…
Doing All the Work
This could, of course, refer to literal work—as in manual labor, household chores, etc. You might have a job and your partner does not. This could also refer to emotional labor.
You have a bad day and are left to comfort yourself. Your partner experiences anything negative, and the onus is on you to support and boost them up.
Doing All the Planning
Running a household is a lot of planning. It’s best if you and your spouse split the tasks and carry part of the load. In a one-sided relationship, this balance does not exist.
The pressure is on you to do everything from scheduling doctors’ appointments to making certain your kids are prepared for a school trip.
Also, one factor that helps relationships thrive is working together toward shared goals. The keyword there is “together.”
Feeling Insecure
Do you feel insecure? Are you left to wonder if you’re enough for your partner? When things are one-sided, this can involve one partner not supplying emotional support. As a result, you are always left to wonder what they are thinking and if you are to blame.
Apologizing
Everyone messes up. Therefore, you each should offer your share of apologies. If this ratio is off, that usually means one of you is being blamed for more than your share of problems.
If you’re already feeling inadequate, it’s not unusual for this to lead to you assuming too much of the blame when things go wrong.
Making Excuses for the Other
Your partner behaves badly but you’re always there to explain it away. You make an error in judgment, however, and your other half is not there to defend you. In fact, they may even point out your mistakes to others.
Allowed to Set Boundaries
When a relationship is one-sided, it usually means on one of you is allowed to set and enforce boundaries. When the other partner sets a boundary, it’s usually perceived as an attack.
Listening
Have one of you tuned the other out? Does one of you expect to be heard and validated but not offer reciprocation? One-sided communication is the hallmark of an unbalanced relationship. It virtually guarantees that nothing will change.
What Does This Mean?
It could mean many things. But it definitely means you need to create change. That change may come in the form of creating balance. It may come in the form of ending a dysfunctional relationship. Reaching such conclusions is best accomplished with the help of a skilled professional.
I’ve seen and worked with countless couples struggling with imbalance. In a therapy setting, they often find it so much easier to recognize the patterns. From there, we work together to identify underlying causes and seek new approaches. It’s hard work but also, life-changing work. And it begins with a phone call. Let’s connect for a consultation and get things started. If you want to know more about how I think of couples, come visit my Couples and Marriage Counseling page. If you’re in Minnesota and want help working through your arguments, you can contact me at 612.230.7171 or email me through my contact page, or click the button below to self-schedule a free, 15-minute consultation.
Take good care.