Healthy relationships involve uncomfortable conversations. Staying connected and committed requires transparency and directness. For example, if your partner is insecure, it cannot be ignored. Left unchecked, their insecurity can result in feeling distant and other potentially toxic developments.
They may need constant reassurance, be very controlling, or behave in a manner that is over-sensitive. Perhaps worst of all, you get a sense that they don’t trust you. You didn’t ask for it but the onus is mostly on you to bring this topic to the forefront. Obviously, such a conversation must happen face-to-face. But what else can you do to make the discussion productive and helpful?
5 Ways to Talk to Your Partner About Their Insecurities
1. Recognize If You Are Being Manipulated
An insecure partner has likely cultivated some unhealthy coping skills. This doesn’t mean they are consciously deceiving people. However, they are certainly capable of manipulating you in order to be more calm and secure. Take the time to assess what’s going on in your life before you broach the topic.
2. Explore Underlying Causes
Someone is not just randomly insecure. They could have been raised in an environment in which they did not feel safe. Maybe they had a past partner who cheated on them or suddenly dumped them. Learn all you can about your partner’s past and encourage them to open up to you. For example, if they are acting clingy and possessive, ask them what they are feeling at that moment. Find out what’s going on.
3. Make Your Love and Support Obvious
As you enter into these conversations, be ready to support your partner. They may share some bad past experiences and feel very vulnerable. Listen compassionately. Tell them you want to help. Ask them what they need. Remind them that you are not their parent or ex. Be generous with expressing your emotions and with letting them know you love them.
4. Try Out New Approaches
If previous conversations have stalled or led to conflict, try something new. There is no magic formula when it comes to communication but it almost always involves ongoing evolution.
5. Encourage Them to Seek Help
Feeling insecure is not an incurable disease. It’s something that can be worked through with a therapist. Offer them help in finding someone who will safely and effectively guide them through the healing.
It’s About More Than Talking
You can’t “fix” your partner but you can take palpable steps to ease their mind. The goal isn’t to sacrifice and do whatever makes them relax. But you can make adjustments and compromises. Commit together to maximizing your quality time together. Ultimately, you want to create a healthy balance.
Speaking of healthy balance, this is where boundaries come into play. It can be exhausting to support an insecure partner. You have every right to prioritize yourself, too. Clearly and gently, explain that you’re interested in give and take. For a relationship to thrive, the needs of both partners must be met on a regular basis. You have every right to alone time, an independent social life, and your own hobbies and interests.
You Both Need Support and Help
I talked above about encouraging your partner to seek help. In such a scenario, you could also benefit from the same kind of help. You and your partner may wish to discuss each of you attending individual therapy. Another option is couples counseling. The concept gives you a chance to work, learn, and grow together in your sessions.
Whatever choice you make, solutions can be found. If anything in this post resonated strongly with you, we should talk soon. Let’s connect for a free consultation.
If you want to learn more about how I think of couples counseling, stop by my marriage and couples counseling page. If you are in Minnesota and want to learn skills to reach these types of goals, let’s talk soon. I’m in Edina and serve the greater Minneapolis area. You can reach me by phone: 612-230-7171 or email through my contact page. Or you can click on the button below and self-schedule a time to talk by phone or video.