A healthy relationship consists of a wide range of factors. One such component is mindfulness. In a traditional sense, this concept relates to keeping one’s awareness in the present moment. Of course, that is essential to any partnership. But relationship mindfulness goes even further. Being mindful applies in so many ways between partners.
For example, one of the top things that people in relationships want is accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement. I talk more about this in my piece on What Everyone Wants From Their Partner. Doing all of these three things in your relationship is an inherently mindful way of being in relationship. Here are 5 other ways of thinking about the benefits of being mindful in your relationship.
5 Ways Mindfulness Can Benefit Your Relationship
Many of us spend an awful lot of life in time-travel mode. What I mean by this is that we do not stay present where we are. Our minds are replaying the past—usually with a blend of guilt, shame, and resentment.
Just as frequently, we’re transporting ourselves into an unknown future—usually with a large dose of anxiety. The ability to live in the present moment offers you and your partner golden opportunities to deepen your bond, repair damage, and learn more about yourselves.
1. Compassion
Mindfulness helps you recognize that thoughts and emotions come and go. It’s not productive to respond impulsively to anyone—least of all, your partner. Being grounded in the present can lead to a place where you choose compassion even when you feel frustrated, sad, or angry.
This is a key way to shift your response to hurtful behaviors or words from your partner. Compassion can help you understand that, while your partner may be angry at you now, they may be responding to underlying hurt or fear. Taking that mindful step of asking what the hurt or fear may be allows you to address what is actually driving them. This increases the chance that they feel seen and heard by you and will tend to calm them.
2. Communication
Once you identify emotions as being like ocean waves, you can focus on riding them in a healthy way. The most productive avenue is productive, respectful communication. Your emotional energy is often fueled by thoughts of the past and/or future. Mindfulness balances that tendency. It creates the space you need to stay calm and engage in healthy communication.
3. Conflict Resolution
The above two entries lead us naturally to conflict resolution. Everyone has disagreements and differences. It’s normal and inevitable and can even be helpful. Problems arise when we respond based on past hurts or future fears. We’re not present. We’re not being fair to ourselves or to our partners.
4. Intimacy
As daily life gets in the way, you may fall into a pattern of taking each other for granted. This creates a decrease in intimacy and an increase in resentment. A mindfulness practice guides you to identify that all you truly have is right here. The time to be intimate is always right now. This doesn’t mean that everyone has to have intercourse now. Intimacy is more that sex. But intimacy AND sex should be discussed. The distractions will never cease to exist, but we have more power than we realize to resist and reject them. Look at my piece on intimacy being more than sex. Look at my piece on talking about sex.
5. Identifying the Need to Get Help
When you live life in the here and now, you gain a new perspective on yourself. It is easier to discern where you’re struggling and may need help. The same goes for your partner. As your self-awareness increases, you get better at seeing problems before they develop. You are better positioned to reach out for support when it is needed.
Where Can You Learn Relationship Mindfulness?
The trick with mindfulness is that you can lose it without really noticing. It’s only when you embrace this mindset of practicing active mindfulness that you realize what you’ve been missing all along. That’s where couples counseling can play a crucial role. In a safe space with an unbiased guide, you’ll find it more possible to see where problems exist or are brewing.
Integrating mindfulness into couples therapy is a recipe for deeper self-awareness and empathy. Together, you’ll learn skills that carry over into all parts of your connection. You’ll embrace appreciation and gratitude. Conflict feels less daunting. If you want to learn more about how I think of couples counseling, swing by my marriage and couples counseling page. If you are in Minnesota and want to learn skills to reach these types of goals, let’s talk soon. I’m in Edina and serve the greater Minneapolis area. You can reach me by phone: 612-230-7171 or email through my contact page. Or you can click on the button below and self-schedule a time to talk by phone or video.