The transition to “we” is difficult. You probably think you’re well-matched. Why else would you be together? Compatibility is crucial. It’s as important as anything, right?

However, compatibility can be measured in countless, subtle ways. It is far more than shared likes and spoon positions. Your compatibility with your significant other can be reflected in essential questions like: “How do I ask for what I need in this relationship?” and “How do I think of ‘we’ before' ‘me’?”

These are the kinds of conversations a couple may not have. If not, common early relationship problems will arise. They are virtually inevitable if the lines of communication have not been opened.

Common Early Relationship Problems

In the honeymoon phase, you may more likely to downplay red flags. Things are mostly going well, and then there’s all that lust. Why look for trouble, right? Umm…not right. Problems and concerns should never be pushed aside or downplayed. Here are a couple of red flags to keep an eye out for:

Communication

Texts are fun but it takes a lot more than emojis to stay on the same page. Communication must be:

• Steady

• Respectful

• Face-to-face (as often as possible)

• Clear and direct

Finances

You may have vastly different concepts of things like spending, budgeting, saving, and planning. Money is a “translation layer”. It means different things to different people because they were raised differently around money. If you were really poor growing up, money may mean security or self worth, or achievement. If money was talked about longingly in your family growing up (no matter how wealthy your family was), you may take every opportunity to spend money on expensive things or decide to spend as little money as possible. It is common for two people to react differently to money. The important thing is to understand where you both sit and to have conversations about it early and often.

Controlling Behavior/Crossing Boundaries

At first blush, it may feel like an intense infatuation. They want to be with you all the time. They ask you to cancel plans with others. In some cases, they may show up unannounced. This may not be as sexy as they make it look in the movies.

Sexual Differences

Just because the lust is mutual doesn’t mean you’ll easily fall into a compatible sexual vibe. Everyone expresses intimacy differently. Do not take this for granted.

Not Liking Their Friends

You want to love everything about them. But a couple of their friends rub you the wrong way. How do you bring it up without looking petty or even jealous?

How To Overcome Common Early Relationship Problems

The simple answer here is to address all the above issues with the same word: communication. Even a communication problem can be addressed by improving communication.

It sounds simple, but it’s a daunting challenge. For a wide range of reasons, most of us have some serious communication blind spots. If you commit together to getting better together, you will. A few more specific notes:

Talk First About Your Communication Styles

Let’s bring it back to the question above: “How do I ask for what I need in this relationship?” Let each other know how you like to communicate.

Open up about your needs, goals, boundaries, and styles. The more you know about each other, the less likely you’ll be misunderstood.

Use “I” Statements

Speak from your heart. If you don’t like a partner’s friend, don’t say: “You have boring friends.”

Try: “I just can’t get along with your friend.” Avoid accusations.

Don’t Try to Win

Turn communication into a give-and-take—a form of intimacy. Resist the urge to win or the need to be “right.” Stay curious and willing to learn.

Check-In During the Day

This is where texts can be helpful. Check-in. Let them know they’re on your mind. One of the things that people report wanting in relationships is knowing that they’re thought of even if they’re gone. Find out in advance if something is going on that you’ll need to discuss.

The Role of Pre-Marital Counseling

You don’t have to be getting married to try counseling in the early days. Couples therapy is an excellent way to take openly about common early relationship problems. It’s also the ideal venue for doing the work on your communication skills.