Relationships are a complex and often emotionally charged aspect of human life. When things get tough, it can be tempting to retreat and withdraw from a situation to gain perspective and make logical decisions. However, this withdrawal can sometimes be mistaken for being more logical- a mistake that can end up damaging the relationship.

It's important to note that there are many reasons why someone might withdraw from a relationship. Some people withdraw as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from emotional pain or to avoid conflict. Others may withdraw because they feel overwhelmed or unsupported by their partner, or because they need time to process their thoughts and feelings. Whatever the reason, withdrawing from a relationship can have unintended consequences. If you are wanting to understand more about your partner’s withdrawal, please see my blog article on “Why is My Partner Shutting Down?”

Taking a Step Back Is Not Withdrawal

One way in which withdrawal can be mistaken for being more logical is that it can give the impression that the person is taking a step back to assess the situation objectively. From the outside, it might appear that the person is being rational and logical, rather than emotional. In reality, the person who is withdrawing may be doing so because they are struggling to manage their emotions, and are finding it difficult to communicate effectively with their partner. This can lead to misunderstandings and further emotional distance between the two people.

Detachment Seems Logical

Another reason withdrawal may seem like being logical is that it can create a sense of distance and detachment from the relationship. When someone withdraws, they may become less involved in the day-to-day aspects of the relationship, such as sharing thoughts and feelings or spending time together. This can give the impression that they are being more objective and logical, as they are not getting caught up in the emotional aspects of the relationship. However, this distance can also create a sense of loneliness and isolation for both people, and can lead to further misunderstandings and miscommunications.

The Danger Of Withdrawal

One of the biggest dangers of withdrawing in a relationship is that it can lead to a breakdown in communication. When someone withdraws, they may become less willing to talk about their thoughts and feelings, which can make it difficult for their partner to understand what is going on. This can lead to misunderstandings and assumptions, which can further damage the relationship. Additionally, withdrawing can create a sense of mistrust between the two people, as one partner may feel that the other is not being honest or forthcoming with their emotions.

Withdrawal Feels To Your Partner Like You’re Not Trying Hard

Another danger of withdrawing in a relationship is that it can create a sense of power imbalance. When one person withdraws, they may hold more power in the relationship, as they are not engaging in the same level of emotional investment as their partner. This can create resentment and anger on the part of the partner who feels left out, and can lead to a further breakdown in communication and emotional connection.

Withdrawing in relationships can be mistaken for being more logical, but it can actually create a host of unintended consequences. While it may seem like a rational response to a difficult situation, withdrawing can lead to misunderstandings, emotional distance, breakdowns in communication, and power imbalances. Instead, it's important to engage with the relationship in a healthy and productive way, by communicating honestly and openly, managing emotions effectively, and working together to find solutions to any problems that arise. I’ve written a blog article on how to do feedback without fighting. By doing so, we can create strong and fulfilling relationships that bring us joy and support us throughout our lives.

If you are in Minnesota, find yourself confused and worried about connecting with your avoidant partner or want to do something different than withdraw, I urge you to reach out. Let’s set up a free and confidential consultation to get things moving in a positive direction.  I’m in Edina and serve the greater Minneapolis area. You can reach me by phone: 612-230-7171 or email through my contact page. Or you can click on the button below and self-schedule a time to talk by phone or video.