Maturity is a term that relates to much more than chronological age. How many times have we heard the phrase “Act Your Age!” One word that can help describe emotional maturity is equanimity. It is the ability to encounter changing situations and adapt while staying grounded. Keeping calm when things are coming apart is one way couples can stay cooperative and fight less when things fall apart around them.

A less obvious aspect of emotional maturity is differentiation. This pertains to the process of becoming a distinct adult human with needs and abilities unique to the family that raised you. That will also be touched on below. Emotional maturity is a crucial part of any relationship, so let’s learn more!

What Emotional Maturity Looks Like in Action

Communication

Healthy, face-to-face communication is your foundation. It will help you navigate through the inevitable conflicts without resorting to insults or abuse. Steady communication can nip problems in the bud. You avoid pitfalls like:

• Passive-aggressive tactics

• Interrupting

• Poor body language

• Dominating or intimidating

• Not listening

The emotionally mature person understands that healthy communication is not a destination. It’s an ongoing commitment and process.

Compassion, Empathy, and Support

Both partners want to feel heard and validated. They also need to know they are being supported. Emotional maturity brings in this essential blend of empathy, compassion, and reliability. You are the go-to person for each other. You feel understood by each other and comfortable with each other.

Taking Responsibility

The emotionally mature person holds them accountable. They offer authentic apologies and show remorse when they mess up. Such trustworthiness lets your partner you are there for them.

If you aren’t emotionally mature, you will do more unhelpful things in reaction to hurts. Think of a toddler when they don’t get their way. To them, it really is hurtful that you’re not giving them the knife to play with. But as an adult, you see it as inappropriate. Emotionally mature people are not prone to tantrums.

Security

This manifests in a few ways. First, being emotionally mature is a way of showing the world you are secure in who you are. It’s also a way to commit to a relationship and keep it secure.

In addition, it displays a secure attachment style. Emotional maturity helps create close bonds and lasting intimacy.

Differentiation

If you’re not differentiated, you may take on your family’s values instead of your own. You may not even realize it, but your default setting could take stances that your family would take.

Your partner will pick up on this. They may not feel you’re creating a new bond and a new family. If you aren’t emotionally mature, your spouse or partner won’t really be in a relationship with you. If you don’t know who you are, how are they to know?

Boundaries

Every single relationship needs boundaries. Each partner must set, enforce, and respect boundaries. Without emotional maturity, boundaries may look and feel like restrictions or judgments.

Flexibility

Life is not linear and predictable. Toss in the fluidity of a relationship and flexibility is non-negotiable. Many people refuse to bend or compromise. Emotionally mature partners learn how to balance self-care and spontaneity.

Can Emotional Maturity Be Learned?

Short answer: yes! However, it requires some honest self-awareness and open-mindedness. In times of struggle, it may not be easy to assess yourself. You may not feel ready to hear your partner’s input, either. That’s why so many couples choose therapy.If you want to find out more, check out my thoughts on marriage and relationships.

If the characteristics discussed above sound attractive (and why wouldn’t they?), let’s talk. I’d love to guide you and your partner through the process of deepening your bond through increased emotional maturity. It all starts with a free consultation. If you’re in Minnesota, you can work with me by contacting me either by phone: 612.230.7171, email me through my contact form.

Take good care.