What is your retirement vision? For some, it’s relaxation, a reduction in responsibilities, connecting more with grandchildren. For others, it can be a major life stressor. Think about it: your job role is changing, your family role is changing, and perhaps expectations of you are changing. Do you know what all those entail? So, how do you prepare for such a major life change?

There is an option that does not get enough attention: couples counseling. Some people think of couples therapy as something you do when you’re on the verge of divorce.

In reality, couples counseling can be helpful at every stage of your relationship. Let’s explore its potential role when it comes to retirement.

Potential Issues as Retirement Approaches

Pandemic lockdowns have helped introduce the claustrophobia of always being at home together. Retirement will take that to another level. You have spent decades in a certain rhythm and then poof! Everything changes.

This impacts all aspects of your life, e.g. communication, finances, socializing, and more. Also, a job/career often provides people with a sense of daily purpose. Without this feeling in your life, there can be a subtle build-up of resentment and blame.

Couples Counseling for Older Couples

Believe it or not, older couples have many of the same issues as younger couples. These may include problems related to:

• Sex

• Money

• Friend groups and social life

• Extended family

• Infidelity

• Communication styles

• Recurring Fighting Patterns

What may be more likely as the years pass is that sneaking suspicion that you’re no longer on the same page. You’ve grown apart. So, retirement concerns or not, counseling is an excellent choice for couples in the 50s, 60s, and beyond.

5 Reasons You Should Attend Couples Counseling When Planning for Retirement

To follow are 5 skills best learned under the guidance of an unbiased mediator:

1. Learn to Be Patient and Attentive

Things won’t just magically slip into a new vibe. It will require you both to be very patient. You’ll need to remain aware of how you’re feeling and what your partner is showing you. EFT therapists like me have a an acronym that describes what partners or spouses are looking for: A.R.E. It stands for:

• Attentive- Can I get my partner or spouse’s attention?

• Responsive - Do they respond to my individual concerns or is it a “canned answer?”

• Engaged - Does what I say or do seem to matter to them?

2. Get to Know Each Other As You Are Now

Curiosity is key. Don’t forget your past but don’t over-rely on that. Times have changed. You both have changed. Therefore, adjustments must be made.

3. Get to Know Yourself

With a lot more free time on your hands, you can explore parts of yourself that may have been neglected. Access this side of you. Challenge yourself to not grow stagnant or sedentary. Make every day count.

4. Do Not Rush Into More Major Changes

Retirement is a BIG change. You might want to hold off on things like a major trip or relocation. This is not to say you put things off. Rather, it’s a gentle reminder to find a healthy pace for both of you.

5. Focus on Essential Issues

There are some non-negotiable topics that will demand your full attention. For example, you will both need to tend to your physical and mental health along with your financial health.

But the one that’s most relevant here is: are you addressing your spouse’s underlying emotional concerns?

How to Get Started

If you’re planning for retirement, there’s a chance you’ve never tried couples counseling. It may feel daunting or you might fear some kind of stigma. That’s why I offer couples like you the opportunity to set up a free and confidential phone consultation. Let’s get to know each other and supply some answers to all your questions.

Retirement can truly be your “Golden Years.” But this will not happen without planning and preparations. I’d love to help you get started on this exciting path.

If you want to know more about how I think of couples and relationships, come visit my couples and marriage counseling page. If you are in Minnesota, I’m here to help. Contact me, let’s talk, and let’s get you both on the same page again. You can call at 612.230.7171, email me through my contact page, or click on the orange button to self-schedule a free, 15-minute phone call.